Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
