did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
