Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
