Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
