are you still at the devil's house?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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