Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
