drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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