He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
