DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
