I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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