I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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