I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
