Her vagina should come with caution tape.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
