I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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