The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize