There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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