i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
