Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I sprained my soul last night
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
