Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
