The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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