he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
