You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
