Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My life is pants optional.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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