It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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