Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
