so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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