We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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