Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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