He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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