Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
