I wish i was in the wii world.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
