was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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