It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
