I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
