No, you can still breathe under the balls.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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