Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
