Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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