meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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