you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
