Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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