dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just want nice things and good sex
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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