I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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