He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize