If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
