I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My penis needs a shock collar
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
