i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
