I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
