I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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