woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
