New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
