Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
