Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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