its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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