so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
