He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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