we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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