Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
