why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize