I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
