i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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