you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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