We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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