Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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