1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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