google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
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