I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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